SO WE LEARNED ……
Jolly the green giant the hobo edition has a job opportunity. Struggle bun pretends to be excited while trying to figure out how to get her moldy mattress to LA. Little Matt is gonna spend his days naked in a banana leaf baby sling. While struggle bun puts more miles on that dusty shit stained mattress. Struggle bun pretends she wants to see Leah longer than a commercial break. Struggle bun is so lazy she can’t even get up to piss. I know her vagina is like yeasty expired bread. She applauds herself while laying down at a 45 degree angle. Claiming she put herself in prison voluntarily. Bitch your flabby fists put you in prison. Gary may be out of breath and his double-decker chins may hit his pregnant burger belly. But he takes care of Leah. Leah is now realizing her mom is as empty as struggle buns resume.
Ryan & Mackenzie
Toucan Sam is pulling every trick out of that beak to make Rhine interested. The only thing he wanted to pull out that bag was a fresh spoon & needle. Rhine is treating this new baby like it’s a piss test. He wants no parts. Rhine was wishing the ultrasound showed a few 8 balls. Rhine keeps giving everybody hints that he wants none of this shit they are trying to force feed him. They all have their own agendas. Larry is just gonna manipulate that needle right into Rhine’s weak, collapsing veins. Rhine can’t put up with Toucan Sam for 9 mins let alone 9 months. I can smell the bullshit and Rhine’s staleness through the screen.
Cate & Tyler
Crusty Crustacean Cate has been home less than 48 hrs and her laziness has kicked in. She’s playing Tyler like a wood rotted violin. She cried for three seconds. She probably had to think about actually doing work to get those fake as Farrah’s bottom lip tears to push through. Cate wants her three-year-old to manage, but can’t even manage to wash her spoiled crotch fruit daily. Bitch your logic is as off as Amber’s electricity. Nova in that car broke my cold black heart. She knew crusty Cate wasn’t coming back. She cried more leaving the dog. Cate, you are officially the worst mom on this show. Congratulations you played yourself. Bitch, I hope you step in horse shit every day you are on vacation.
Maci can’t even work on homework with Daddy Bentley without being buzzed. Maci talks like a call with bad reception. Bitch sweats beer and judgment. Maci and her mammy talk about sobriety through beer goggles. Maci knows people that know people my ass. That little clip when Jen said “there’s a lot that has gone on between Maci and Rhine people don’t know about” makes me think Maci isn’t as perfect as people make her out to be. Maybe that 12 yr old boy body she has isn’t just genetics.
I’m so glad this season is over. It’s more tired than Gary’s kneecaps. It’s been longer than Toucan Sam’s canoe nose. It’s been drawn out longer than Maci’s sentences. We struggle through it more than Amber’s edges. Drier than Butch’s nostrils. Longer than Tyler’s slinky ass neck. This season is hanging on like Toucan Sam’s layaway extensions.
The reunion better be good. Dr. Drew and his stiff ass neck better come through.
Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)