EP: 18 Season Finale

SO WE LEARNED ……

Amber

Jolly the green giant the hobo edition has a job opportunity. Struggle bun pretends to be excited while trying to figure out how to get her moldy mattress to LA. Little Matt is gonna spend his days naked in a banana leaf baby sling. While struggle bun puts more miles on that dusty shit stained mattress. Struggle bun pretends she wants to see Leah longer than a commercial break. Struggle bun is so lazy she can’t even get up to piss. I know her vagina is like yeasty expired bread. She applauds herself while laying down at a 45 degree angle. Claiming she put herself in prison voluntarily. Bitch your flabby fists put you in prison. Gary may be out of breath and his double-decker chins may hit his pregnant burger belly. But he takes care of Leah. Leah is now realizing her mom is as empty as struggle buns resume.

Ryan & Mackenzie

Toucan Sam is pulling every trick out of that beak to make Rhine interested. The only thing he wanted to pull out that bag was a fresh spoon & needle. Rhine is treating this new baby like it’s a piss test. He wants no parts. Rhine was wishing the ultrasound showed a few 8 balls. Rhine keeps giving everybody hints that he wants none of this shit they are trying to force feed him. They all have their own agendas. Larry is just gonna manipulate that needle right into Rhine’s weak, collapsing veins. Rhine can’t put up with Toucan Sam for 9 mins let alone 9 months. I can smell the bullshit and Rhine’s staleness through the screen.

Cate & Tyler

Crusty Crustacean Cate has been home less than 48 hrs and her laziness has kicked in. She’s playing Tyler like a wood rotted violin. She cried for three seconds. She probably had to think about actually doing work to get those fake as Farrah’s bottom lip tears to push through. Cate wants her three-year-old to manage, but can’t even manage to wash her spoiled crotch fruit daily. Bitch your logic is as off as Amber’s electricity. Nova in that car broke my cold black heart. She knew crusty Cate wasn’t coming back. She cried more leaving the dog. Cate, you are officially the worst mom on this show. Congratulations you played yourself. Bitch, I hope you step in horse shit every day you are on vacation.

Maci

Maci can’t even work on homework with Daddy Bentley without being buzzed. Maci talks like a call with bad reception. Bitch sweats beer and judgment. Maci and her mammy talk about sobriety through beer goggles. Maci knows people that know people my ass. That little clip when Jen said “there’s a lot that has gone on between Maci and Rhine people don’t know about” makes me think Maci isn’t as perfect as people make her out to be. Maybe that 12 yr old boy body she has isn’t just genetics.

I’m so glad this season is over. It’s more tired than Gary’s kneecaps. It’s been longer than Toucan Sam’s canoe nose. It’s been drawn out longer than Maci’s sentences. We struggle through it more than Amber’s edges. Drier than Butch’s nostrils. Longer than Tyler’s slinky ass neck. This season is hanging on like Toucan Sam’s layaway extensions.

The reunion better be good. Dr. Drew and his stiff ass neck better come through.

– @NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

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Ep 17 Recap: Time Will Tell

Amber

So we learned that struggle bun has yet another excuse to lay in the permanent imprint of her yeasty, grimy bed. I know that mattress smells of butt juice & delusion. She “spent quality time” with Leah shopping for yuck mouth Matt and her offspring. This bitch is so lazy she couldn’t even stand in the store for 60 seconds. She had the nerve to try and give someone relationship advice. Like she doesn’t go fishing for dick from her couch. Yeti tried to throw shade at Gary like he’s not two cheeseburgers away from a gastric bypass surgery. This mouth breathing, Cheeto breath having, overgrown and underdeveloped hippie needs to have several seats. Drown the whole scene in Clorox.

Maci

Maci and Taylor talk in slow motion and constant pauses about adopting a child. I’m glad they let the one true adult Bentley in on the conversation. They want a child that’s old enough to fend for themselves. Or they want to be able to give Bentley the Butler a chance to have a break. This scene was drier than Taylor’s mangy beard.

Ryan

Toucan Sam & Rhine give the dog a bath in the sink. They already have worms, so what’s some dog hair and fleas in their coffee cups. Toucan Sam wants the world to think Rhine is such a good dad. She has to use the DOG as an example of that. She has never taken birth control while she was with Rhine. She’s been hiding them in the folds of her deformed chinny chin chin. While she tells him she’s nauseous, he’s messaging his drug dealer and sending out pics of his tobacco soaked dick to bitches on Tinder. Their scene is weaker than Rhine’s veins.

Cate & Tyler

Cate realizes you have to really do work in therapy and is ready to come home. Tyler goes to visit butch looking like an Elvis/Justin Bieber hybrid with half the talent and twice the hairspray. He again plays the hero, even tho he uses his cape as a buttplug. This scene is drier than the leftover pieces of quesadillas Cate finds under her sweaty titties.

Let’s talk about these halfway house extras getting way too much screen time. Amber’s half dead cousin decides it’s a good idea to drive in the snow with “bad brakes”. She worries her kids and then leaves them in the car while her comatose face ass smokes a cigarette and whines. Tyler’s blockhead sister wants to be a regular so bad. All she’s good for is popping that stale pot roast looking pussy in the parking lot.

I know Frito is somewhere smiling so hard that her concrete face is buckling. This show is struggling and leaning on the edge of ending more than Gary’s sneakers.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

EP: 1 Roseanne Recap

The reboot of “Roseanne” was something that I never thought would happen, and I was going to be ok with that. The 9th and final season back in 97 was abysmal, to put it mildly. The first 8 seasons were brilliantly written and acted, in my opinion, but it seemed that the magic was gone.

Fast forward to 2018, and we return to the fictional sleepy town of Lanford, Illinois, to the same little house and the same cast members. I’ve read that the Smithsonian refused to return the infamous couch and afghan throw blanket from the original series, so they went to painstaking lengths to recreate them exactly. Score!

The show opens to Rosie waking Dan from a deep sleep, complete with CPAP face gear. She has a hard time getting a response from him, and when she finally does, she says she thought he was dead. His response, “why does everybody always think I’m dead” quickly addresses and expels his “death” in that final season. We then hear the sound of little running footsteps upstairs, and Dan mentions needing time to adjust to daughter Darlene and her kids now living with them.

Part of the magic of the series in its hey-day was the that they never shied away from addressing current events or taboo topics, and they stay true to form.

Roseanne and Dan are seen sitting at the iconic kitchen table, filling their weekly pill strips, with the mention of splitting their “statins and blood pressure pills” because they can’t afford the full script, and Roseanne keeping all of her antidepressants and pain pills, an apparent lead-in to the healthcare and opioid crises in our country.

Enter Darlene, and her daughter Harris, who was born in that final 9th season, now a young teen. (The casting on this with Emma Kenney, Debs from Shameless….simply brilliant) and her 9 year old son, Mark, who identifies as a boy, but likes to wear skirts, “colors that pop” and nail-polish.

Darlene has asked Aunt Jackie for a ride to a job interview, and we find out that Rosie and Jackie haven’t spoken in a year, due to differing stances on the presidential election. Roseanne is a proud Trump supporter, and Jackie enters wearing a pink pussy hat, a “nasty woman” t-shirt, and opens with ” Wassup Deplorable?”

DJ, freshly home from military service in Syria, where his wife is still deployed, makes a walk on with his biracial daughter, played by Jayden Rey.

Enter Becky #1, who is a waitress that apparently likes to drink too much, and mention of being offered $50k to be a surrogate for Andrea, played by Becky #2, and quick mention that Becky’s husband Mark has died.

There are lots of one-liners and pot shots, and I found myself laughing just as hard as I did back in the 90s. The chemistry that existed then hasn’t faded and the writing is sharp and witty. The acting is a little rough around the edges, but not bad considering that John Goodman and Laurie Metcalf are the only cast members that have stayed active.

I cannot wait for next Tuesday!

-Sue Long

EP 16: Friends In Need Bitches Indeed Recap!

So we learned Toucan Sam is still low key trying to throw her ex-husband under the bus. Her and her retractable chin are always with the bullshit. Jen is the only one that knows this relationship is gonna end up as dead as this storyline. They really are gonna try and convince us that rancid Rhine is a good stepdad. WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU! YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE! Toucan Sam and her doorstop chin need to have several seats!

Cate & Tyler Yeah NEXT! I will just say it’s been what 10 years? It’s time for them to put the show down and really heal or whatever the hell they need to do. If it’s more than a storyline than being pimped out like a $20 whore by Morgan Freeman isn’t helping them. It’s killing their relationship and themselves.

Oh, struggle bun and her Harry and the Henderson face ass man. They really irk my nerves and make me itch. First of all, nobody is afraid to say anything to you two greaseballs. Just because you beat hungry hippo’s ass doesn’t mean you have the juice Amber, but it looks like you have bed bugs. Gary needs an oxygen tank just standing there, but he was speaking major facts. Amber, you weren’t depressed because someone died etc. You were depressed because yuck mouth Matt took his dusty, deteriorating, deadbeat daddy dick away. That’s NOT an excuse to be an absent parent. You decided to tweet instead of getting off your flat ass and going to having a conversation with jelly belly Gary. This episode was as stale and stiff as her prison makeup.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama drama (Unfiltered)

Episode 15: Keep On Chugging Recap!

fb_img_15215145316031998589967.jpgSo we learned struggle bun and Sasquatch took Leah on a vacation. Even tho she ignored Leah like she ignores good decision making. She’s trying to convince her brother that this stalker is stable. There’s not a bed that amber won’t lay her crusty, musty, moldy ass in. Amber likes to have issues. No prenup. Bitch you wanna be sucking twinkies and fighting over cigarettes and dusty dick at the trailer park so bad. I’m convinced now she GAVE yuck mouth Matt that money. The only thing that has been stolen is my brain cells watching this scene.

Maci came back from playing in the jungle, douching with sea water and other stupid shit. Her babysitters went on a business trip/vacation. She couldn’t get drunk in peace. She made up for as soon as they turned into the driveway. Toucan Sam threw her ex-husband under a gotdamn semi truck. No way in hell you will convince anyone that rolling Rhine is a better dad. The only thing Rhine tries to do is run away from her stumpy chin ass. We got to see Rhine’s love affair with the love his life the dog happen. You can tell Rhine would rather have Tinder time. This relationship is more forced than Gary in an Aeropostale t-shirt.

Tyler plays the martyr as usual. We don’t see his sister this episode. She must be in the Neiman’s parking lot. Cate’s mom to me seems so jealous hearted. That bitterness has aged her like an avocado. The way she was looking at Cate’s dad I thought she was gonna stab him with the fork.

Y’all I kind of miss Frito and Chucky I hate to say it. Even stranger danger Micheal and Pillsbury dough face Deb.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

Dickle in a Pickle? TinderGate 2.0!

Connecting The Dots

It started out with a simple screen grab from Christopher Hollis. @Kiara_Loper posted a photo that her friend “E” had sent her. The photos were screenshots of her Tinder account, from Ryan (can’t keep it in my pants) Edwards, AKA RHIIIINEE! Nobody thought it was real, because we all know that Rhine got his Dickle in a Pickle last year on Tinder. Not possible to make the same mistake twice. Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered) decided to do some more investigating.

Here’s what we know at this time…Mackenzie and Ryan were in NYC and came home on the 4th. “E” matches with Ryan on Tinder on Sunday, March 4th. We’ve all seen Catfish so this seems to good to be true. The two pictures are ones that are not traced on Google Images…they are straight from a phone. The pictures are different from TinderGate 1.0, but the age he used is still the same. ( 25 going on 50) “E” lives in Madisonville TN, which is right around 50 miles from Ryan’s house. On Monday, March 5th, Ryan sends her messages on Tinder. Here’s where he messed up…In the message, he says that he is “being lazy” and mentions that “Lol it’s raining nothing to do”. We were able to verify that in Chattanooga on Monday, it was in fact raining. Also, the photo where he is wearing no shirt matches the wall color in one of Mack Truck’s Instagram photos. A “source” close to Mack says they see Tinder account all of the time but never ones like this.

Our theory is that Ryan and Mackenzie got in a fight after the reunion. Good old “sober” Ryan decided to open his Tinder account back up for shits and giggles. Lucky “E” got to match with him and get receipts. Here are the photos. You decide for yourself. Did Ryan have a Britney moment? Oooops he did it again! Or is “E” just being Catfished?