Author: tmmamadrama

EP: 1 Roseanne Recap

The reboot of “Roseanne” was something that I never thought would happen, and I was going to be ok with that. The 9th and final season back in 97 was abysmal, to put it mildly. The first 8 seasons were brilliantly written and acted, in my opinion, but it seemed that the magic was gone.

Fast forward to 2018, and we return to the fictional sleepy town of Lanford, Illinois, to the same little house and the same cast members. I’ve read that the Smithsonian refused to return the infamous couch and afghan throw blanket from the original series, so they went to painstaking lengths to recreate them exactly. Score!

The show opens to Rosie waking Dan from a deep sleep, complete with CPAP face gear. She has a hard time getting a response from him, and when she finally does, she says she thought he was dead. His response, “why does everybody always think I’m dead” quickly addresses and expels his “death” in that final season. We then hear the sound of little running footsteps upstairs, and Dan mentions needing time to adjust to daughter Darlene and her kids now living with them.

Part of the magic of the series in its hey-day was the that they never shied away from addressing current events or taboo topics, and they stay true to form.

Roseanne and Dan are seen sitting at the iconic kitchen table, filling their weekly pill strips, with the mention of splitting their “statins and blood pressure pills” because they can’t afford the full script, and Roseanne keeping all of her antidepressants and pain pills, an apparent lead-in to the healthcare and opioid crises in our country.

Enter Darlene, and her daughter Harris, who was born in that final 9th season, now a young teen. (The casting on this with Emma Kenney, Debs from Shameless….simply brilliant) and her 9 year old son, Mark, who identifies as a boy, but likes to wear skirts, “colors that pop” and nail-polish.

Darlene has asked Aunt Jackie for a ride to a job interview, and we find out that Rosie and Jackie haven’t spoken in a year, due to differing stances on the presidential election. Roseanne is a proud Trump supporter, and Jackie enters wearing a pink pussy hat, a “nasty woman” t-shirt, and opens with ” Wassup Deplorable?”

DJ, freshly home from military service in Syria, where his wife is still deployed, makes a walk on with his biracial daughter, played by Jayden Rey.

Enter Becky #1, who is a waitress that apparently likes to drink too much, and mention of being offered $50k to be a surrogate for Andrea, played by Becky #2, and quick mention that Becky’s husband Mark has died.

There are lots of one-liners and pot shots, and I found myself laughing just as hard as I did back in the 90s. The chemistry that existed then hasn’t faded and the writing is sharp and witty. The acting is a little rough around the edges, but not bad considering that John Goodman and Laurie Metcalf are the only cast members that have stayed active.

I cannot wait for next Tuesday!

-Sue Long

EP 16: Friends In Need Bitches Indeed Recap!

So we learned Toucan Sam is still low key trying to throw her ex-husband under the bus. Her and her retractable chin are always with the bullshit. Jen is the only one that knows this relationship is gonna end up as dead as this storyline. They really are gonna try and convince us that rancid Rhine is a good stepdad. WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU! YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE! Toucan Sam and her doorstop chin need to have several seats!

Cate & Tyler Yeah NEXT! I will just say it’s been what 10 years? It’s time for them to put the show down and really heal or whatever the hell they need to do. If it’s more than a storyline than being pimped out like a $20 whore by Morgan Freeman isn’t helping them. It’s killing their relationship and themselves.

Oh, struggle bun and her Harry and the Henderson face ass man. They really irk my nerves and make me itch. First of all, nobody is afraid to say anything to you two greaseballs. Just because you beat hungry hippo’s ass doesn’t mean you have the juice Amber, but it looks like you have bed bugs. Gary needs an oxygen tank just standing there, but he was speaking major facts. Amber, you weren’t depressed because someone died etc. You were depressed because yuck mouth Matt took his dusty, deteriorating, deadbeat daddy dick away. That’s NOT an excuse to be an absent parent. You decided to tweet instead of getting off your flat ass and going to having a conversation with jelly belly Gary. This episode was as stale and stiff as her prison makeup.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama drama (Unfiltered)

Episode 15: Keep On Chugging Recap!

fb_img_15215145316031998589967.jpgSo we learned struggle bun and Sasquatch took Leah on a vacation. Even tho she ignored Leah like she ignores good decision making. She’s trying to convince her brother that this stalker is stable. There’s not a bed that amber won’t lay her crusty, musty, moldy ass in. Amber likes to have issues. No prenup. Bitch you wanna be sucking twinkies and fighting over cigarettes and dusty dick at the trailer park so bad. I’m convinced now she GAVE yuck mouth Matt that money. The only thing that has been stolen is my brain cells watching this scene.

Maci came back from playing in the jungle, douching with sea water and other stupid shit. Her babysitters went on a business trip/vacation. She couldn’t get drunk in peace. She made up for as soon as they turned into the driveway. Toucan Sam threw her ex-husband under a gotdamn semi truck. No way in hell you will convince anyone that rolling Rhine is a better dad. The only thing Rhine tries to do is run away from her stumpy chin ass. We got to see Rhine’s love affair with the love his life the dog happen. You can tell Rhine would rather have Tinder time. This relationship is more forced than Gary in an Aeropostale t-shirt.

Tyler plays the martyr as usual. We don’t see his sister this episode. She must be in the Neiman’s parking lot. Cate’s mom to me seems so jealous hearted. That bitterness has aged her like an avocado. The way she was looking at Cate’s dad I thought she was gonna stab him with the fork.

Y’all I kind of miss Frito and Chucky I hate to say it. Even stranger danger Micheal and Pillsbury dough face Deb.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

Dickle in a Pickle? TinderGate 2.0!

Connecting The Dots

It started out with a simple screen grab from Christopher Hollis. @Kiara_Loper posted a photo that her friend “E” had sent her. The photos were screenshots of her Tinder account, from Ryan (can’t keep it in my pants) Edwards, AKA RHIIIINEE! Nobody thought it was real, because we all know that Rhine got his Dickle in a Pickle last year on Tinder. Not possible to make the same mistake twice. Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered) decided to do some more investigating.

Here’s what we know at this time…Mackenzie and Ryan were in NYC and came home on the 4th. “E” matches with Ryan on Tinder on Sunday, March 4th. We’ve all seen Catfish so this seems to good to be true. The two pictures are ones that are not traced on Google Images…they are straight from a phone. The pictures are different from TinderGate 1.0, but the age he used is still the same. ( 25 going on 50) “E” lives in Madisonville TN, which is right around 50 miles from Ryan’s house. On Monday, March 5th, Ryan sends her messages on Tinder. Here’s where he messed up…In the message, he says that he is “being lazy” and mentions that “Lol it’s raining nothing to do”. We were able to verify that in Chattanooga on Monday, it was in fact raining. Also, the photo where he is wearing no shirt matches the wall color in one of Mack Truck’s Instagram photos. A “source” close to Mack says they see Tinder account all of the time but never ones like this.

Our theory is that Ryan and Mackenzie got in a fight after the reunion. Good old “sober” Ryan decided to open his Tinder account back up for shits and giggles. Lucky “E” got to match with him and get receipts. Here are the photos. You decide for yourself. Did Ryan have a Britney moment? Oooops he did it again! Or is “E” just being Catfished?

I’m Beatiful, I’m Strong, I May Wear a Thong. Episode Recap

First off FUCK FARRAH & that Holland tunnel pussy she claims. I was hoping she’d swallow her tongue since she swallows everything else. Her and Chucky have lost their god damn minds. What’s even worse is that her old creepy, I drive a white van and always carry candy in my pockets ass daddy of hers didn’t say jack shit. Her gin-soaked, I smell like earring backs ass stepmom to be didn’t either. I know they can camp out in Farrah’s wide ass anus, but I wish they would find a damn backbone.

Gary and Jody went to get a DNA test because apparently, Gary’s mother was throwing her pussy like it was Mardi Gras beads. They both wobbled into the lab looking eight months pregnant with triplets. Bew Bew went to get massages with Miss Piggy. I guess Sasquatch was somewhere planning his next move. This whole scene feels like it was deep fried in old Crisco lard.

Maci also has a little hellion running around. They weren’t even surprised when she not only cussed but snitched on them. Maci is more entertaining when she’s doing the breaststroke in brewski’s .

Toucan Sam is trying to coach Rhine the whole scene. His brain is as fried as those dry as the Sierra desert extensions. Her nose and chin have their own social security numbers.

Now for Cate & Tyler, all jokes and slander aside. I feel like Tyler is Cate’s downfall. I even felt he got emotional and started crying on cue. He plays with her emotions. One minute he doesn’t want a baby yet, next he does. He wants her depressed and overweight. It’s easier to control a woman that is depressed and has no self-worth. He wants the check. She goes away to treatment and he’s partying and checking his grinder account. Don’t give me that people handle stress different bullshit either. If you are watching the same train wreck of a show I’m watching you’d see he’s full of mind games. We can feel bad for Cate all day but if she chooses a check over her sanity at this point it’s on her.

Honorable mention. We finally saw Morgan Freeman. Not the black Morgan Freeman that’s looked 100 yrs old since preschool, the executive producer. He finally laid his twitter fingers down for a nap to go handle Medusa himself.

That’s all I got this episode was dry. I can only joke about so much even I have boundaries lol.

Tootles bitches 😘😘😘

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

Being Gary Recap

We learned that Gary wears hats because his head is shaped like Cadbury creme egg. That his mother isn’t letting dry menopausal pussy stop her from getting some. That his daddy is really just there for the room & board. That his mama has been around the block more times than the good humor man. Her and Amber seem to be racing around that damn block. That Gary jokes as much as he eats. As Gary was lighting that fire I was hoping he’d throw those Ecko outfits in instead of the firewood. Kristina isn’t as passive as we thought. She seems stable and strong. She’d have to be mounting and rolling around with Gary’s mister potato ass body. Last but not least I think Leah is a very sweet girl, even though her mother is the shit the emoji was designed after 💩💩 with less of the charisma and style.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

E12: Something Blue Recap

So we learned Amber’s mama’s baby daddy’s maybe baby is a boy. Get the DNA swab ready. She was more shitty than Leah’s cake. She felt the need to make Leah’s party about her and her hobo ass pregnancy. Kristina the cowardly lion finally has a voice. She’s throwing more shade than Gary’s big ass shadow.

Farrah went to get that Loosey-goosey pussy tight. Blaming Chucky for her sagging vajayjay. Not that fact that’s she’s had everything but a pontoon boat up her vajayjay. Debra and her boulder face ass is still pushing this wedding.

Not much to say about Tyler and Cate. Other than we know MTV paid for this “rehab “ and butch’s drugs too. Butch needs to exit the show and get some real help. He’s too old for this shit now. The rest of his life is more important than a little check from MTV.

Now to the grand finale!

Rhine & Toucan Sam had the most awkward wedding of all time. Shit was hard to watch. That shit was more awkward than seeing Farrah diddle herself while watching Fergie sing the National anthem. Rhine really didn’t want any parts.This fool was legit drunk and so was the minister. This wasn’t even a great value wedding. It was an expired back of the food pantry ass wedding. I thought they were gonna play rock, paper, scissors at the altar. They argued the whole wedding. Rhine wanted to spend no more than $100. I know he was wishing for a Pinterest/Goodwill wedding like Jenelle’s. He wanted that 5k to go into his arm, not this fake ass wedding. No way can anybody convince me he went to rehab. This is what happens when you hold dick hostage. Toucan Sam looked like a whole dummy.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

Last Three Episodes Recap

So while I’ve been gone I’ve learned that Amber and Andrew who looks like Sasquatch & Elvis had a baby went on vacation. Amber is out here giving her back alley vagina out at alarming rates. Pretty sure amber and that crackhead looking heffa probably bumped their sandpaper vajayjay’s together too. She managed to find the most homely looking man in Malibu. Andrew’s eye twitches like that classic serial killer in every movie. Bewbew gets thrown over for the new new, dusty dick once again. Gary is spitting facts through his labored breaths and clogged arteries. Throw Amber’s charcoal feet, that stressed bun and her whole storyline away.
Farrah takes a trip with her stranger danger face ass daddy & his fiancee that looks like she soaks herself in gin and cigarettes. Debra and her weird ass baby voice and plexiglass face tagged along. Little Chucky hates Debra at Farrah’s request. Farrah doesn’t quit talking about the wedding. Debra isn’t giving up Dr. David or his malpractice ass dick. I swear their brain cells are all made of the same plastics Farrah’s dildoes are made out of. Roses are red, violets are blue. Farrah’s vajayjays worn out and her storyline is too.
Ryan’s still higher than giraffe pussy. All Toucan Sam’s bitterness and pettiness are settling in her double chin. Toucan Sam pushes out her fake ass tears as she complains about how hard her relationship is. Even tho she married a stranger that IS a full blown heroin addict. He probably handed her a hep c infected needle instead of an engagement ring. Bitch you knew what you were getting, don’t cry now. Maci was drunk as shit when she revealed she wanted to adopt a 6 yr old. They need someone to help Bentley manage the homefront. Drown the whole storyline in Bud Light.
Catelynn tears herself away from the couch, her scabs & the fridge to get her birth control removed. They both look like they have been bathing in hamburger meat grease for the last four episodes. Their scenes are longer than Tyler’s neck, more awkward than Cates smile, and just as boring. Throw them and that clearance ass clothing line away.

@NotSoThick

Teen Mom Mama Drama (Unfiltered)

Runway, Rehab, and Retail Recap

So we learned that Ryan still doesn’t want to be bothered with Toucan Sam. Is only doing the photoshoot, because he’s still not quite sure who she is. The way he sniffed that shoe, no one can convince me he still has brain cells.

Leah wasn’t enough distraction for Amber, she rather spend time with a man that looks like Chewbacca & Elvis had a son. We learned he stalked her. He looks like the type that would hide in the bushes watch women & jack off with Cheeto stained fingertips. Amber asks Leah if she’s ok with Matt being gone. Instead of asking if she’s ok with her delusional stale bun, crusty face ass being gone. “I didn’t want to be around Leah depressed” but I will let stalker penis come visit .

Farrah won’t get in the water cause she knows her coochie will mildew. She tried to use Sophia to get Deb to call off her wedding. I didn’t know if Sophia needed a time out or an exorcism. Deb is out here looking like dawn from the babysitters club if she was a mummy.

Tyler is Cate’s biggest trigger besides scabs and double cheese quesadillas. His old wanna be Justin Bieber face ass, says shit he knows is gonna upset her. I want him to stop with his shit. Out here looking like a out of shape Johnny Bravo. Bring back the baby goat, this shit is trash .

Gary still looks winded, but I can finally see his neck. Kristina the cowardly lion finally has a voice .

Nothing new with Maci, still talking in slow motion. We learned she misses her babysitters, I mean Jen & Larry .

@NotSoThick